Uncomfortable Red Series

This is the first of several uncomfortable "red series" photos. This guy was mega-stressed with my picture taking.

The devil makes it all seem good

Red Eye

These aren't real. These are very elaborate puppets.

Professional Photographer

Them: Are you a professional photographer?
Me: Excuse me?
Them: Are you a professional photographer?
Me: Yes. Yes I am.
Them: Will you take our picture?
Me: Yes. Yes I will.

UFO Convention

It was way too much. And it was way too fast.

So goddamn stupid. Yet so goddamn funny!

This is about the 1oth pair of big, dirty, swingin', mobile testicles I've seen since living in Colorado. I'm never sure what the vehicle owner is thinking. Do they think it's comedy in a "yeah, I know this is ridiculous but I'm a funny guy" sort of way? Do they think it is macho in a "yeah, I've got a big ole pair of balls on the back of my truck, fuck you" sort of way? Are they needing attention in a "Hey! You! I ain't got nothing to say! But look at these big blue nuts on the back of my truck!" kind of way? Are they unaware, having fallen victim to a prank joke in a "honey, everyone that is passing me is giving me a disgusted look" kind of way? I don't know. I can never figure it out. But as fucking stupid as this is, it always makes me laugh my big, dirty blue testicles off.

Drunk Taxi

Dig the visual man, dig it. This van had a beer can on the top of it. I'm not sure if that means this service is or is not working.

No Mr. Wizard! No!

There's always at least one interesting character in a mountain saloon. Here Mr. Wizard just told me he was contemplating making my clothes dematerialize.

10 Yard Line

Every fall I make a point to check out a local, little league football game to relive my celebrated, illustrious Musket football career.

"You guys need to keep doing good"

Little league football teams take what they can get when it comes to coaches. During this halftime chat session, I overheard the coaches offering these pearls of wisdom: "You guys need to keep doing good", "we are going to run some of the most incredible plays ever", and, of course, "that's what I'm talkin' about!". My little league coaches were wise well beyond this...my dad told me that on the way home from practice I leaned forward from the back seat and asked him, "dad, what is a "mother-fucker"?".

"Get off the field!"

After three consecutive facemasks without a call, the fans went chimpanzee crazy. Here the ref ejects the bald knucklehead in the dark T-shirt/white shorts. Check out Coach Carter trying to keep everyone calm.

Trp. Dennis "Dee" Lund

A few summers ago I road tripped by myself from Denver to LA to visit my friend Michele. Late the first night I pulled the truck off the road somewhere in Utah and crashed in the back. When I woke up I noticed this cross a few hundred yards up the hill. Trooper Lund lost his life in pursuit of a couple Indiana punks that left a gas station in Thompson, UT without paying. While in pursuit, Lund and his partner were fired on and a round came through the windshield and was deflected by the door post, striking Trooper Lund in the eye and killing him.

Close Encounters

Looking for a Coconut

Open air yearnings

Businessman full of mad resolve, yearning to work outside...

Who invited them?

There are two high level jackassery things happening here: 1.) Dela is tossing a vodka/cranberry at Greenie...fraction of a second before contact. I love how even from behind you can tell Dela is laughing his ass off and has no regard for whoever's kitchen this was. 2.) I am so fucked up it doesn't faze me, and my jacket was on inside out, which was NOT done on purpose. The people that threw this party were not happy with the arrival and behavior of our crew. I don't understand.

Boogie Nights

My friend Alexis recently took a break-dancing lesson...incentive enough for me to clear out some furniture and have another party. Here Katie, Batte, Schwacker and Cnora drop it like it's hot (what the hell does that even mean?). The late night dance party is always a sign that the event has gone according to plan. I'm not sure how the blue background occurred - it must have been the cool, dance party vibe.

Deep deep deep Center Field

Watching a Rockies game from the very last row in dead center field is perfect for someone that is really there to slug beer and eat hot dogs. It's so much better than the stiff, cheesy "suites" I typically watch games from on work/corporate outings.

Dawn in Canyon

My canyon commute was grand at dawn this morning.

Very Happy Cadet

But I didn't order a pizza. What? I won it? I WON a pizza?! That's awesome!!

Amazing Performance

Apparently the most exciting thing at this tailgate was whatever was on that grill. And stay back, kids. Don't get too close.

Vodka swillin' wide receiver

Size, speed and tenacity. Granger lacked on all counts.

Foolhardy celery application

It's a damn good thing we packed the celery for the Air Force game tailgate.

Cast out the devil Dela! Cast out the devil!

It takes a brawny, super-macho, savage mother-fucker to handle a snake this big.

Big Pear. Bigger Idiot.

Babic sends me the most random shit.

Polar Canonball

The sign at this Moab, UT campground/pool facility read "heated pool". Once this idiot landed his first canonball, we found out differently. This shit was snappy frigid! When we asked the owners why it wasn't heated, they replied "It is heated. Solar heated. The sun warms it".

Corned-up on 6th Street, Austin TX

Standoffish. Pensive. Despondent.

Lots of thumbs

Thumbs up. Thumbs down. Thumbs left. Thumbs right. Helbie and Tammy brought lots of thumbs with them to the dance floor.

Cart Path Mosaic

Ever felt like you just couldn't fall any farther? Yeah? We've all had some bad times. And lived through some sad times. But have you ever been this crushed?

A hugely necessary move

This moment took place in the upstairs balcony of the Little Bear Saloon. Here my dad just tossed a stink bomb down on another shitty bluesy-rock band (check out the devil look). Mom clearly approved of this hugely necessary move.

High Country Golf

The Keystone River Course is unreal. A few tee boxes with 100'-200' drops from tee to green. Looks like daddy's ball is going left here.

Chicken Feed

Everyone enjoyed some BBQ and chips.

Shut up and eat your damn breakfast

Saturday morning breakfast spread...the parents know how to throw it. The iced peanut butter cookie in the middle was the first to lose its life.

The Moment of Silence that never took.

Caught some live bluegrass downtown Evergreen this past weekend. Here the band kicks up another song. Unfortunately this was to the chagrin of a hillbilly who had been screaming for a "moment of silence for Katrina victims" for a few minutes. This moment of silence never took. It may be because the hillbilly's plea was at 11:30p on a Friday night in a bar slammed full of rowdy, loud, drunk rednecks and a killer bluegrass band just owning it.

When Opportunity Knocks

There's so much stupid shit going on in this photo. 1.) Elmore is clearly having a moment. 2.) observe the identical expressions on both Council and the girl's face...."tee hee, I'm shy, tee hee, stop it Will, tee hee, tee hee, I'm shy". 3.) Babic identifies a rare opportunity and pounces. I love this dumbass photo! Tee hee. Slurp.

Grandpa's Farm

Here's a shot of Elmore and me at my grandpa's farm one glorious fall day last year. It's a charming farm. And he let us ride his beautiful white horse.

Buckingham Palace, London

Royal.

Clowny Americans

One afternoon at a pub in London....I can't understand why the Brits were such assholes to us?

The Rythm is Going to Get You

As I stood over a urinal in a bar in London I overheard one British dude say to another "I love this song. You know, just like Gloria Estefan says, the rythm is going to get you". Digusting song. Disgusting reference. But then I remembered this, Council's stunning kareoke performance in Dallas, TX. Was it Council's performance that got me? Or was it the rythm that got me?

Blizzard of 2003

This is not a drift. This was on day two of a four day blizzard in the winter of 2003. The wall of snow you see here grew one foot higher before the storm subsided. I was stranded in my house for 4 days - an unbelievably fun 4 snow days!

Sweet, Sweet Iced, Creamy Love

On a recent trip home, my family hit up the Dairy Queen Brazier for some lunch and iced, creamy desserts. Here my nephew Michael makes sweet love to a chilly chocolate treat. I love Dairy Queen Braziers - always the double cheeseburger and onion rings. The go-to dessert is the ungodly Peanut Buster Parfait. My older sister Danette was one of the first to work at the Red Bud Dairy Queen. The Dairy Queen was on the end of town as was the turn-around point for cruising. My buddy Buckethead consumed 7 double cheeseburgers in one night of cruisin and boozin. I vomited an entire load of macaroni and cheese on to the parking lot after drinking a bottle of mad dog and beers. I love Dairy Queen Braziers.

Babysitting

This is my brother-in-law Dave (my little sister Deb's husband). He's babysitting the neighbor's daughter.

Little Jerry in the Crosshairs

Lonnie anticipates strike and squirrel debris.

Beers and Ballpark

Thirst quenching refreshment with Coors Field in background.

Lip Shimmers

What the hell?

Close Reader

Good God Almighty...this is some real close reading. Perhaps a 0.5 font size? Be sure to click on this phot0 - the larger visual really brings this one home.

My Commute. My Comrade.

I spent my first 8 years in the work force commuting in and out of downtown Chicago from the suburbs. It was a 1 hour and 30 minute commute each way that included driving my car to the train station, taking the train in to downtown, and then walking approx. 12 city blocks to the office. People clipped their fingernails on the train. I'd stand outside in 5-10 degree, or 100 degree super-humid weather waiting for a train. In a shirt and tie. I'd consume lungloads of train exhaust in Union Station as I'd run, in dress shoes, to catch trains. I lumbered down city sidewalks surrounded by corporate cocksmacks. I had a miserable fucking commute, and my weekdays were nothing but working and commuting. So fast forward to my commute of the past three years (pictured above is a snapshot on my drive back up the canyon this evening). I find myself driving below the speed limit every day, by myself, on this windy little Canyon Road. Super duper peaceful and beautiful! If someone pulls up behind me, I pull over and let them pass. It's a long, long, long way from the hassles and commute of the big city. Yes!